adventures in blunderland
right now
listening to:

the box above my head is decoupaging a desk chair
2006-10-01, 2:23 a.m.

Me and the roommate, at 1:09 AM, after 2 hours or so of diligent, silent labor.

Me: CRAP. Dane hosted SNL tonight! ! !

:: general state of dismay falls over the room ::

Caitlin: What the fuck is WRONG WITH US? We were doing HOMEWORK!?!?!??!!?!?

Me: I wrote an ESSAY???!!?!? (sobs uncontrollably)

Caitlin: I... was fucking READING!!!! a BOOK. with WORDS!!!!!!!!

Me: We... are... failures.

Just to declare my total non-bandwagon-jumper-onner-ness, I would like to say that I have been a Dane Cook fan since way before all of this hullabaloo took place and before he became everybody's favorite standup comic. I've been a Dane Cook fan since 1999/2000, when I was in seventh grade and a total loser and spent most of my weekends watching standup on Comedy Central and developing a healthy cynicism towards the world.

The great thing about Dane is his delivery. If you've ever heard someone re-enact one of his jokes, you'll notice that no one who hasn't yet heard Dane himself do it is even slightly chuckling. But those who have are probably laughing cramped over in crash position, slightly crying, sometimes not even making any noise but just hiccupping convulsively. And they're laughing not because of the actual content of the bit, but because of the memory of the first time they heard "Ummmmm hellloooooooo?" or "::bzzshhh:: FUCK THIS GAME."

I actually got to see his standup in Madison Square Garden. It's hard to believe, but even though it was just him on a stage, his presence filled that huge theater. He is a dynamo. Can you imagine one person holding the attention of thousands of people for over an hour doing nothing but talking? I can't even hold the attention of my dog.

An exchange about SNL with my friend Izzy:

LizAnne11 (1:29:01 AM): it was pretty good
LizAnne11 (1:29:13 AM): but itll be on youtube or something
the Duchess 423 (1:29:19 AM): okayy
the Duchess 423 (1:29:23 AM): thank god for youtube

Welcome to the 21st century.

So... having said mostly all there could be to say about Dane Cook, I can't really remember what else I wanted to write about...


The malltrolling was pretty successful. And by successful I mean, we each bought at least one thing that we probably didn't need to begin with. AND we bought Katie a birthday present, so we also bought someone something that she probably doesn't need! Yippee!

Wow, talk about healthy cynicism. Geez. When did I become Ms. Stormy McEmokid?

I think I'm cranky because first of all, I missed [my future kidnapped love slave,] Dane's apparently superfunny monologue, and secondly, I'm feeling really unsatisfied with my writing. I've gotten so efficient at cranking out essays, which are works of logic and reasoning, that I forgot how to blog. A good blog has one crucial element: humor. And I'm not funny. Seriously. Look this entry up and down. Are you laughing? I'm not laughing. I always feel like I'm struggling for the funniest thing to say, and, let's face it, if I have to struggle for it, it's not gonna happen. Funny is not something you can learn. I think at one point in my life I ran a pretty amusing blog because I was 14 and unabashed and I said whatever came into my mind, even if it was "DUCKIE! .... i luv duckie" without worrying about if "Duckie and I are considering taking our relationship to the next level" would be funnier.

I mean, I'm extremely proud of the fact that I write a WICKED essay, I mean, that's what really "turns me on," in the disturbing words of Vincent (my least favorite Project Runway extraterrestrial). Formulating a provocative argument, piecing it together, making it seamless, finding the exact and best way to say what I'm trying to say? That's my cup 'o tea. But now I can't like, break the habit. Now, in everything I write, be it a Creative Writing assignment, or an email to a GVN volunteer, or one of these entries, has to have concise language, and logical progressions from one subject to another, and sophisticated diction. It's become second nature to me. No, more like, first nature (what a weird cliche. who decides the heirarchy of "nature," anyway?). And it's really, really good writing. For an essay. But life doesn't always occur in essay form.

I mean, look at Dooce. She's the epitome of a great blogger. Her voice is so unique. The blog is everything: funny--no, hysterical. Heartwarming. Profound, at times. Sassy. Real. Alas, I warm no hearts. I have no sass. Not yet, anyway.

I guess that's why I started this back up again, though--to loosen my style up a bit, to make it less functional and more... just fun. Hopefully I'm on the right track.

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