i'm only good at being young
2007-02-18, 3:52 p.m.

Oh D-Land.

I spent the last 2 days reading my old diary, which I wrote in sometimes 3 or 4 times a day from when I was 14 until I was about 17. Some of the parts were insanely boring, and some of it made me cringe, especially my patriotic tirades (I was a young teen in a post-9/11 world, OKAY?) and my constant references to the "hotness" of random TV/movie starts who are, in truth, kind of not hot, but when I finished reading, I felt really lucky to have that diary to remind me of my former self.

I think I've said in here before that I still feel 16, because that was the last time I felt that I was changed irreversibly. Well, I am here to tell you that I most certainly do not feel 16. Thanks to my old diary, I have been reminded that when I was 16, I was obsessed with about 6 guys, all of which were kind of doofuses, if any of my friends remember, for starters. Oh, and in typical xteenangstx fashion, about every other day I was wearing a different emotion on my sleeve--one day I'd be like F IS FOR FRIENDS WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER and the next I'd be like ::weeps one single, eyeliner-black tear::

I'd also like to give my old self a pat on the back for being so unabashed with subject matter and for... well, this is going to sound conceited, but for being such a vivid writer. Seriously, for a 15-16 year old, I was pretty insightful sometimes. One tends to forget about the things you learn for yourself along the way--and it's really cool to be able to read about the exact moment I learned these things. And some of the predictions I made for myself are extremely accurate. Except for the one about me wanting to move to Canada when I graduate college. I don't really know where THAT came from. Oh, by the way, the only "prediction" in that first entry is about John Mayer. The rest of it, I think, has to do with my inane crush on this boy who I'm pretty sure never even knew I liked him.

It was very weird to get myself all involved in my early high school years, which I wrote about in great detail, and then step AWAY from the computer and remember that right now I'm in COLLEGE right now. If I had continued through to my senior year, those entries would have felt more familiar and recent. But my 15-year-old self is nearly a stranger. Well, not a stranger. Maybe like a Me From A Different Dimension.

It makes me feel very, very accomplished. It also kind of makes me feel very, very old.

But just now I realized that I'm watching Spongebob Squarepants.

Maybe things haven't changed all that much.

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