there are caramel-coated rice cakes in the box above my head
2006-09-27, 9:48 p.m.
my mutinous ipod is acting up again. it exists, i feel, solely to send me into a flurry of conniptions when it randomly begins malfunctioning at the least appropriate moment.
i suffered a meltdown last year when my beloved computer developed an odd case of Electronic Rot, which spontaneously generated from deep within the graphics chip and spread all the way to the USB ports. but with a lot of help from many different doodads and gadgets, it's up and working again, and now i handle it as if it were my child--i am careful not to jostle it, and i put it down for naps throughout the day, and i stroke it when it's processing slowly, repeating "you can do it, computer" in encouraging tones.
apparently starved for attention, my ipod has been going through its equivalent of the terrible twos, and recently stopped working all together. this is a bad thing for me. i am, sadly, just as addicted to mp3s as any self-respecting generation-x-er. i listen to music all the time. so i'm looking into purchasing a brand new mp3 player. however, i'm starting to doubt the practicalness of the ubiquitous ipod, particularly this 5th-generation one. do i really need/want an mp3 player that's thin enough to be mistaken for a stick of gum, and can store 400,000 songs and 4 feature films, and dispenses raspberry-flavored pez?
after all, the expansion of my itunes library is coasting to a halt and i'm only up to 6 gigabytes. meaning that i'll reach 30 gb approximately in time for my 50th birthday. and, to be totally honest, my musical tastes are not so all-encompassing that i'll ever reach the projected 7500 songs the 30 gb ipod boasts.
so i'm seeking creative alternatives. my main candidate is the 8 gb zen micro photo. there has been tons of praise for this cute little oyster. i can't wait to get my hands on it, but i'm not ready to shell out the $199 just yet. not with my luck in parchasing decisions. (re: i bought my ipod, and then-- literally the same week--they came out with a color, video-compatible version)
but here's the rub: i'm hopelessly in love with the miracle that is itunes. i don't know if i can wean myself off of it. i don't know how to listen to or manage music any other way. shifting over to a different program kind of scares me.
this all seems kind of petty, i guess. but...i sort of feel that it reflects me on a broader level, too. it used to be really hard for me to shift out of my "comfort zone." for instance, my first semester at college was a disaster, socially. before that point i'd always been very outgoing, but i worked towards that self-confidence for my entire secondary school career. at school that setting melted away. i was just so uneasy and timid because i was in this new context. it's taken me a while to resurrect that "old" me. but that first semester really affected me long-term. it showed me that who i am should be independent from where i am or who is around me. i'm suddenly realizing there's a lot i don't know yet.
okay, so maybe i'm not just talking about mp3 players here....
this summer i have the amazing opportunity to student teach in the philippines, which is where my parents were born. i had to apply to the program--i had to write an essay and submit a resume and everything. and then i got accepted. and now i'm at like, this crossroads. i have to make the decision whether or not to volunteer in one of the most impoverished, corrupt nations in the world. if i don't go, i will obviously preserve and ensure my safety. but if i don't go, i'll miss out on so much. i'm fond of traveling and i've always been open to different ways of life. i went to spain on a cultural exchange program for 2 1/2 weeks when i was 16 and it literally changed me forever. but now, it's different. i have this like, wanderlust. i have this itch, this need to break out and see what the world is really like.
but i'm still so hesitant, and i think i know why. just like i'm afraid i won't be able to handle a new music-managing program, i'm really worried that my highly sheltered self won't be able to handle the culture shock of volunteering abroad. i'm afraid i'm not grown-up enough to do this. i'm afraid the same thing that happened when i left for college will happen when i go: i'll choke.
i can't believe i honestly thought i needed to get my mp3 player problem off of my chest. obviously i was sublimating my fear of trying new things into the less traumatic act of contemplating alternatives to the ipod.
it's all because of this damn cultural development class i'm taking. it's like, teaching me to broaden my horizons, and shit. what is THAT all about.
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