there are apparently twins inside the box above my head
2006-11-10, 6:23 p.m.

I don't really know what to make of my feelings towards school or relationships or anything serious like that, but all I know is I have been having some seriously weird-ass dreams and I need them to STOP. Right NOW. Last night was the fifth night in a row that I had these dreams, I can't call them nightmares, but they're certainly not funny or good, and I couldn't call them recurring, but they always involve the same people--except for one: the first one.

Numero uno in the string of Seriously Disturbing Dreams started out with me and my father walking through my front door. I was empty-handed, my father was carrying 2 child car seats. He was carrying twin baby girls. My baby girls. Looking back, I have a feeling that can be described as only "what the FUCK"? Okay, twins... with whom? Where's the father? Was this some kind of medical anomaly? Is one of these two girls the Messiah? Did they spontaneously generate like pearls within the oysters of their car seats?

Anyway, the majority of this dream involved me and my parents caring for these two girls, both of which had been given tentative names (Anna and Renee) ( I can understand Anna, as that has been my first daughter's intended name since I was maybe a sophomore or junior in high school, but Renee? Where did that one come from?), but both of which I haphazardly referred to as "Riley." As in, sundry's baby BOY, Riley.

Also, one of them was appropriately newborn-sized, very small and squirmy and red, but the other (Renee? Riley??!) was like, Buddha Baby. WAY too developed to be a newborn baby. PLUS. They're TWINS, I thought. WHY IS ONE OF THEM DISPROPORTIONATELY HUMONGOUS?!?!?!

Apparently I had been spending a lot of time playing with the Big Baby and the Big Baby Alone, so I switched over to playing with Little Baby. And then I left Little Baby on top of the washing machine and went to eat dinner and talk to my mom. We could both see her crying and wailing on top of that washing machine, but neither of us moved to comfort her.

**
When I woke up from this dream I had to write it down before I forgot it, and now I can't stop remembering random details. What does it MEAN?! If anyone has an opinion as to the manifest content of this either painfully random or seriously symbolic dream, I'd really appreciate your thoughts.

The dreams I had consecutively over the next four nights involved much more plausible situations between me and people from my real life (Linds, Roomie, Katie, etc), but they always involved a fight and the general promise of never speaking to that person again. Now I'm like, dreading going to bed tonight because I'm afraid of who I'm going to have a falling out with THIS TIME. It's like the Lifetime version of Nightmare on Elm Street. "One, two, Freddy's comin' for you..."

In other news, I have been home since Tuesday afternoon making sure someone feeds the dog and washes the dishes and keeps my sister out of trouble (ha. I repeat, HA.) while my parents check out timeshares in Myrtle Beach. I drove back to school on Thursday to attend my one class, and my sister and I went mall-trolling, which yielded many weather-inappropriate sale-items and an enormous Disney Couture Alice in Wonderland tote bag. It was great.

Yesterday when we got back home from our shopping binge, we ate Lunchables for dinner and made brownies with Reese's Cups. And watched Adult Swim. It was a very wholesome sisterly bonding moment.

And now I am sitting in a dark house writing this entry. My dog is patrolling the first floor, his ungroomed claws snapping against the floor like the sound of the keyboard. And I am waiting for my sister to come back from the game so I can not be bored anymore. I'm home for the weekend cause, well, it's my weekend to play at church, but I'd probably be home anyway because I am soooooooooooo (did I mention? soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo) ready for this semester to be over. Being at home helps me imagine that it is. La la la la.

Oh, and I am watching CSI as well.

Adult Swim won't be on for a couple more hours.

Melanie will be home by then, I think, and we will go to the McDonald's drive-thru and buy chicken muggets. That's right, muggets.

Midway through Winter Break, I will be annoyed and bored with this way life. But right now, in the midst of crunch-time-end-of-the-semester-hell, this is exactly what I want. The only downside? Every so often, particularly at night before I go to sleep, or while I'm in the first stage of drowsy wakefulness, I am overcome with a feeling that I am either wasting my youth, or have skipped over it entirely in favor of domesticity

Ugh, maybe that's where that freaky baby dream is trying to lead me. Babies.... domesticity... right? BLAH.

BLAH?

... I like it!! That's a good philosophy.

And it's time to go.

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